How to convince your husband to have more children

Whether you are wanting your first baby or third, sometimes the biggest hurdle can be the hubby.  Let's face it.. they aren't maternal.  They don't understand.  They don't feel the way we do.  They don't have the same drive we have.  They weren't created with that gushy feeling of needing that bundle of joy.  So why do I see so many women letting the man dictate when and how many children come into the family with little to no resistance?  I am disheartened to see this and I would like to remind these women that you have more power than you think. 

This advice is not going to work for 100% of men.  There's a smaller percentage of men who don't need to be convinced.  This laid back and baby-happy type are few, but they are out there.   Then there's the small percentage that are just absolute in their idea to either not have children or only wants one or two.  There's no softening or changing their mind.  I would be a little concerned about the marriage where the woman has this little power, but that's another topic for another day.  I believe regardless of what the man's concerns are, the majority can be swayed.  This will work for about 70-80% of men.  Be smart and listen up.  These tips are for you. 

Of course, you must be sensitive to your husbands concerns about bigger families and financial burdens.  There's a point where we need to be reasonable.  Having children is an equal decision and it's important to respect that.  With that being said, there's no harm in a little help. 

#1.  Plant the seed

As soon as you feel that itch after you get married, mention having a baby.  You've probably already talked about it up to this point so you have an idea when the timing is right for you.  But if you need a little help, proceed with these steps.

For babies #2 and on: When you are pregnant, mention casually the next baby.  This is the time to do it.  Never talk about more babies than one more than you currently have.  If he asks you how many kids you want, just say, "I don't know.  We will see." Because actually this is the truth, you really don't know how many you want until you are at that number.  DON'T trap yourself.  Now, to him, mentioning the next baby while you are pregnant is going to seem crazy.  He will probably laugh.  Laugh with him.  If he asks if you are serious, casually say, "Sure".  Change the subject.
You can plant the seed more than once but I would suggest only up to a few times.  If you aren't sure you want any more children, do this any way.  You can always change your mind.

Two things about planting the seed.  1.  No matter how he responds, even if it hurts your feelings, don't get into with him. Don't worry if he says he doesn't want anymore kids... that usually doesn't mean anything. Stop taking his word for it.  Women do this a lot and it's a mistake.  Don't let it turn to an argument.  Brush it off.  Smile.  (I've seen a lot of women make this mistake.)

And 2. NEVER plant the seed when you have a newborn.  This is the most stressful time in a Dad's life.  Newborns scare men.  They are tiny.  They are fragile.  They are uber time consuming. Their cries and needs and diapers are very stressful to a man.  Your postpartum is stressing them out.  Babies cost a lot of money.  No matter how in love your husband is with your little one, don't bring up another baby.  Keep tight lipped about it and brush it off when friends or family asks you in front of him if you want any more kids.  "We will see."



#2.  Drop it. 

Don't talk about it anymore than this.  If he wants to, allow him but keep it light and not serious. 

#3. Clarify you are trying

Say whatever you intuitively feel and when you feel the time is right.  "I feel like it's a good time to start trying for a baby.  How do you feel about that?"  Or whatever you want.  This may take a few tries and conversations but remember, don't get hurt. Gently ease his concerns.  Don't argue.  Drop it.  Resume another time, softly.  When you get the green light, smile and kiss him. 

If you already have a baby or kids, wait till your baby is at least 1 before bringing up the next kid or when you see your husband is adjusting.  This is usually a good time for planting another seed.  Then bring it up again when you're ready down the road.  When a Dad has one in diapers, thinking about another can be a bit much.. so use your instinct. 

#4.  Leave him alone

After you both have decided to try, let it be.  This is so important.. I really can't stress this enough.  Remember, men don't feel the same way about having babies we do.  Stop treating them like they do, then get your feelings hurt when they say something insensitive or begin to have doubts.  They don't need to hear about all the particulars of your ovulating cycle.  They don't need to know about all the details of trying to conceive.  You don't need to keep reminding him that you are trying for a baby.  He knows. Don't take the fun out of sex.  Don't stress him out.  Buy as many ovulating tests as you want.  Shoot, make charts with highlighters, buy books, read articles.. Do whatever you want, but leave him alone! 

You have Facebook, your Mother, sister/s, friends, co-workers, etc to talk about babies and having babies and conceiving babies until you're blue in the face or the fingertips.  So use those outlets, but don't overwhelm your husband.  Fathers feel that bond when they hold their babies for the first time.. and it grows from there.  As the baby smiles and laughs and responds to his father, this bond and excitement grows within him.  Respect this and give him his space to nurture his bond with his child in his way.  He doesn't need to be as crazy as you are about having a kid before he has him!
As an example with us, the next time Joe hears about a baby after our "we are trying" conversation is when I tell him I'm pregnant.  Literally.

When you are pregnant, include him in your excitement as much as you feel is natural.  Try and follow the same concept of not overwhelming him.  All that baby stuff and gear is usually fun for men, but not too much.  Talk talk talk to your girls and leave the important stuff for him.  Use your intuition to gage how involved he wants to be.  They are all different.  Pay attention to when he quiets and how what you are doing is making him feel... take note and proceed from there.  (Don't ask him how he feels.  Men don't analyze their feelings and their origins.  Stop treating him like he's a woman. It's your job to observe and respond appropriately.  Goodness, it's like I need to write a book or something.) Allow him to come around and have a say and opinions, on his own.  Of course, don't squash his ideas.  Make this process of having a child fun, light and a good experience.  Make him feel important in every step of the way, without stressing him out by bombarding him with questions and details.  You aren't going to take all of the stress from him, but your behavior can greatly reduce it.


This step is very important in aiding in the process of having your next baby. 


You see, this advice is not about exercising your power or using manipulating tactics to get your way.  It's about using your intuition to ease the stressful stigma around having more children and being smart about timing.  A man can honestly believe he doesn't want any more children, but that can change because he doesn't know how he feels about having another kid until he has them.  A wife shouldn't want any more kids than is prudent for their situation and a man should be able to have his heart softened by his loving wife. 

Be smart and you can have your way.  That's my motto about being a wife.