Polygi Women

Here's what I want to do when I see these polygamists (in order of urgency):

1. Slap them... no more whining!
2. Mess up their hair... real bad.
3. Pluck their eyebrows... hold it- HOLD IT!
4. Leave them with a wonderbra....

ooh.

Create a Birth Plan

This is great... very easy. You might need to sign in. Just click on your preferences and print out. Then go over it with your Doctor to make sure both you and he/she are aware of what you want and what you have the freedom to do in the facility. This just might make you realize that your chosen facility may not be right for your family. That's okay!

Create my Birth Plan!

If this is your first time having a baby, please know now not to be worried about seeming pushy and demanding. TRUST ME! If you go in to deliver unprepared- YOU will be the one bullied around and your needs and preferences will be overlooked.

Take my word for it and don't let it happen to you. This is your baby and your special moment.

Fertility Problems?

It might be partly due to your diet... Read this article from a Newsweek issue that came out in December, 2007. I'm not saying this is a miracle fix or that it will work for you- all I'm saying is that I adjusted my diet in every way to conform to their suggestions and was pregnant (after 4 years of trying!) 30 days later. I at least suggest reading it.

It is 9 pages long so print it out... worth reading every sentence. OR, feel free to buy the book to get the whole shabang (but I felt that the article was enough):

I know how frustrating it can be to see that same damn negative sign over and over again- I would've done anything and the least I could do was change my diet around a bit...

All I can say is:

Stay positive no matter what! (I know that is hard when you are disappointed)

Eat plenty

Exercise

Stay hydrated

.... and have fun trying!

Joey's Bike Story

January, 2005

When ambition meets independence in a 5 year old, it's not always good news for the parents. For anyone who knows Joey well, this will not surprise you:

When we got Joey's first big-boy (racing/dirt) bike last year, we were really excited when he was riding on his own the second day (after his training bike a few times). Since then, he's gotten a little too comfortable with his riding.

Last night, I was on my way out the door to go jogging on the beach, when I saw Joey with his helmet on and tying his shoes. He said excitedly, "I'm going to the store to get some candy!" "oh, good for you" I said, happy for him to go with his Dad, then headed out. By the way, he knows he's not allowed to go past the end of the driveway on his bike.

When I returned, Joe told me after I left, he didn't see Joey in the house and decided to look outside to see if he was with me. He kind of knew I didn't take him anywhere, so he decided to look down the street. He walked to the end and saw his little bike with his helmet on top outside of the corner grocery store- He then knew he wasn't with me. He rushed inside, and there he was chatting with some customers, waiting in line to pay for the 2 candy bars in his hands! Joe was relieved and scared at the same time at his level of comfort away from home.

Needless to say, we reminded Joey that he is not 12! He is 5! so start acting like it!.... he shrugged his shoulders and said, "okay" without concern. What do you do??

When a child hands a cashier $30 to pay for 2 candy bars, it's kind of an indication he is entirely too young to be there on his own! ha ha

Update: A few months ago, I was saying how I would like some bananas for a shake. Joey says, "Mom, don't worry, I will get you some bananas!" I thought, how cute. I'm not sure why these things don't register with me yet. I went about my business and just a few minutes later noticed Joey was not in the house. I walk to the end of the driveway hoping he learned his lesson from last time... and what do I see? Joey's singing and riding back to the driveway with a bunch of bananas in a bag hanging from his handle bars! EEK! I can't keep up with this kid.

DUDE!

I was talking to Joe about Beverly last night.. and Joey heard the word Grandma and die... he goes:

" I wish my great great great great great great Grandma was still here :(................................

to give me MONEY! Dude I'm running out of MONEY!"just like that..... where does he come up with this???

crazy.

When my mom was here, after spending the first full day with him.. when we got home, she goes "okay, he's gone from calling me Grandma to Jenny to Dude in one day." I kid you not.

he is a funny kid. he calls me dude every day.

DUI Stop- Hilarious

My Little Litigator

I received a letter from Joey's teacher telling me of an incident in the cafeteria with another student. Apparently Joey asked for a friend to share his juice at which he refused. Joey seemed to be pretty upset by this and so decided to smash the kid's juice box and pour it in his lap. Hmm... I was pretty taken back. I went to talk to the teacher about this and called his dad. Joe told me that when he got home we would sit him down and have a talk. Joe and I had it down... this would be our first time to formally reprimand him. We discussed how we would approach it, what we would say and what his punishment would be.

Boy we're we in for a treat!

Joe got home and we started off as planned. However, as soon as we uttered what happened without question the tables were quickly turned as we found ourselves struggling to stay in control of this disciplinary action that turned into a conversation into a debate. It kinda went like this: (mind you this is a 5 year old!)

Parents: Joey, we were told by your teacher that you smashed a kid's drink and poured it in his lap.

Joey: Who saw it?

P: It doesn't matter who saw it, the point is it happened and that can't be tolerated.

J: But how do you know it happened? WHO? Who saw it???

P: (I didn't know) The lunchlady.

J: That's impossible. The lunchlady is at the end of the cafeteria and could not have possibly seen us from over there. (he goes into explain how many rows of lunch tables there are and where she stands.) So who saw it?

P: It doesn't matter, it could've been anyone walking by.. One of the school guards. We aren't discussing IF you did it. We know it happened and that can't happen again.

J: But HOW do you know? There are no guards walking around in the cafeteria....

He goes on talking and talking emphatically and busts out with this entire presentation of exactly what happened with who said what, how they were seated at the table and how the tables are arranged, complete with exhibits and how the juice "tipped" over onto his lap- you name it! My head was spinning... By this time Joe started to believe him.. (We had a debate about that later) and by the time it was finally over, we were so mentally exhausted, we just wanted to get out of the conversation. I don't even think he was punished!

I don't think I know a kid like this... I don't think we understand what we are in for. All I know is that he is smarter and faster than me, I can't keep up with him and if anyone thought I was argumentative, please try getting into a debate with my son!